it’s out there

This end of summer thing is being felt more so than usual, and I’m not sure why. 

Could it be because of this incredibly, unusually hot weather?  The lack of rain that made things like gardening and being outside feel like some sort of alien task.  Do I just blame the heat?

Or maybe it’s because I’m realizing that our family is changing.  The girls are older and more capable, and I’m still trying to do it all myself. 

I’m also thinking it’s because I booked the summer with camps for the girls, and worked during August, which is something I’ve never done before. 

It could also be that I’ve had unexpected events thrown my way, like that funeral and the water damage claim in the basement.

Or is the problem that my expectation was, that by the end of summer, I would be more organized, more proactive, worry less, and have a clean and tidy life?

(Does everyone else do this?  Does everyone else have these strange benchmarks that they periodically measure themselves against, and find themselves lacking?  Should I even be asking this?)

I’m not unhappy, though.  I’m just feeling unsettled.  Or maybe the fact that I’m feeling unsettled is a good thing.  There is the time in each day to start fresh, think things through, and make the decisions that need to be done for that day, that week.  Maybe the fact that I’m feeling unsettled says that I won’t settle.  That I’m wanting to better myself and move ahead with different aspects of life.  Reorganize our tasks, our needs and how we work together as a family.  What I do and what we do.  I may not get to the point I think I should be at…after all, this is still me…but I’m going to try a little harder.  Today.

Hmmm.  Life is my process.  I’m hitting the “publish” button now.

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2 Responses to it’s out there

  1. planetcoops says:

    We are feeling the end of summer more than usual here too, although in our case I think it’s because we feel like we haven’t really had a good summer yet.
    That unsettled feeling? That’s what makes me want to change and improve, and September has always seemed the right time to start that, from childhood when it was the start of the new school year: new shoes, new pencils and a fresh start. We don’t often get that as an adult, and my new years resolution this year was to feel the sense of opportunity people feel on 1 January (and I tend to feel on 1 September) every day. I know I’m never going to be more organised at the end of the summer than at the start, though, I have to wait for my term time routines to be re-established.

  2. Francesca says:

    I think that feeling a little unsettled comes with family life – new milestones, new changes, growth …

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