This end of summer thing is being felt more so than usual, and I’m not sure why.
Could it be because of this incredibly, unusually hot weather? The lack of rain that made things like gardening and being outside feel like some sort of alien task. Do I just blame the heat?
Or maybe it’s because I’m realizing that our family is changing. The girls are older and more capable, and I’m still trying to do it all myself.
I’m also thinking it’s because I booked the summer with camps for the girls, and worked during August, which is something I’ve never done before.
It could also be that I’ve had unexpected events thrown my way, like that funeral and the water damage claim in the basement.
Or is the problem that my expectation was, that by the end of summer, I would be more organized, more proactive, worry less, and have a clean and tidy life?
(Does everyone else do this? Does everyone else have these strange benchmarks that they periodically measure themselves against, and find themselves lacking? Should I even be asking this?)
I’m not unhappy, though. I’m just feeling unsettled. Or maybe the fact that I’m feeling unsettled is a good thing. There is the time in each day to start fresh, think things through, and make the decisions that need to be done for that day, that week. Maybe the fact that I’m feeling unsettled says that I won’t settle. That I’m wanting to better myself and move ahead with different aspects of life. Reorganize our tasks, our needs and how we work together as a family. What I do and what we do. I may not get to the point I think I should be at…after all, this is still me…but I’m going to try a little harder. Today.
Hmmm. Life is my process. I’m hitting the “publish” button now.